There’s always, in every office, one person who turns every coffee break into a slideshow of their cat. You ask how their weekend went, and somehow end up looking at 18 photos of a “hilarious” orange cat simply sleeping in a mixing bowl. This person, of course, is also in the Secret Santa. And because the universe loves a good test, you’re the one who has to find them a gift.
Good news: finding a Secret Santa gift for a cat person isn’t actually that hard. You just need something funny, not too expensive, and accurate enough to say: “I have fully diagnosed your problem.”
1. A Funny Cat Book
This is probably your most effective option if you’re working with a modest budget but still have a shred of dignity. A book like What to Do If My Cat Is Gay? checks a lot of boxes at once: it’s funny, absurd, easy to give, and, above all, speaks directly to someone already living in a state of psychological dependency on their cat.
The concept, a survival guide to the 100 worst possible things your cat could become, works especially well for Secret Santa, because it makes people want to flip through it immediately, read a passage out loud, and say “wait, that’s literally you.”
2. A Mug, But Only If It’s Genuinely Well Chosen
Yes, the mug is a cliché. But it can still be saved if you skip the cute mug and go for the humiliating one instead. Not “Cat Mom,” not “Purrfect Day,” not a little silhouette of a sleeping cat. Something more honest: “I work to pay for the kibble of someone who hates me,” or “My cat runs HR at home.”
3. A Small Custom Accessory Featuring Their Cat’s Face
Keychain, mini calendar, coaster, magnets, socks: anything that lets the person display their obsession even more visibly is a solid bet. A cat person doesn’t suffer from seeing their pet everywhere. On the contrary, they mostly suffer when other people don’t talk about it enough.
4. A Tote Bag or a Small Desk Decoration
The upside of a Secret Santa gift is that it can be gently mocking, as long as it stays accurate. A tote bag with a well-worded line about cats, or a small desk object along the lines of “I’m here against my will, I miss my cat,” can work great, especially if the person is already known for turning the open floor plan into an extension of their home life.
5. A Treat or Small Toy for the Cat
This is the perfect gift if you have no idea what to get but know at least one thing: the person probably cares more about making their cat happy than themselves. So you’re not really giving them a gift. You’re giving them the opportunity to give something to their cat. It’s simpler, safer, and, honestly, more touching than we’d like to admit.
6. A Gift That Openly Acknowledges the Situation
Secret Santa is the perfect setting for a gift that says out loud what the whole office already knows: this person talks about their cat way too much. A small frame, a notepad, a card, or a book that puts that observation into words has a very good chance of landing, as long as the tone stays funny and doesn’t tip into mean.
7. Something That Instantly Sparks a Group Reading
A great Secret Santa gift is also one that gets opened in front of everyone and gets an immediate reaction. That’s why a funny book works so well: it lets someone read a passage on the spot, get a laugh, point at a coworker, and turn an often awkward gift exchange into something briefly, genuinely alive.
Conclusion
The best Secret Santa gift for a cat person isn’t one that says “you like cats.” Everyone already knows that. It’s the one that says: “you have a wildly disproportionate, possibly unhealthy relationship with your pet, and we’ve all collectively decided to stop pretending we haven’t noticed.”
In that category, What to Do If My Cat Is Gay? is a very solid pick: funny, absurd, easy to give, generous enough to count as a real gift, and pointed enough to count as a light personal attack, which makes it an excellent Secret Santa choice.
Which, deep down, is probably the truest form of holiday spirit.
