Your dog believes all forms of authority are illegitimate, flatly refuses house rules, and seems to see every piece of furniture as an opportunity for rebellion? Your pup might have gone anarchist.

Before they declare the lounge room independent, or turn your kitchen into a temporary autonomous zone, here are the signs that should worry you.

5 Signs Your Dog Is an Anarchist

All dogs hate rules. But some want to abolish the very concept of rules altogether.

1. They See Any Authority as a Provocation

You buy them an elegant collar.

Your dog immediately reads it as a symbol of enslavement.

A few hours later, your tyres are mysteriously slashed and a flyer titled:

“No Leash, No Master”

turns up in your letterbox.

The message seems pretty clear.

2. They Reject Official Infrastructure

The backyard? Too institutional.

Your dog prefers using spots they consider more symbolic.

Their favourite activity is marking their territory on anything they consider a symbol of the established order.

You’re starting to seriously worry they might figure out how Google Maps works.

3. They Contest Absolutely Everything

Your dog doesn’t just disobey.

They question the very principle of obedience.

If you forbid them from:

• eating plastic,
• climbing on the oven,
• or sticking their head in the toaster,

they consider it a direct attack on their fundamental freedoms.

4. They Keep Showing Up in the News

Every time a protest turns ugly somewhere, you hold your breath.

Then you catch a fleeting glimpse of a mohawked dog running behind a burning bin.

The resemblance is unsettling.

Very unsettling.

5. They Systematically Sabotage Institutions

The vet represents medical authority.

So your dog developed a simple method for avoiding appointments:

destroy the mode of transport.

Ever since your car caught fire, you’ve been sticking to home consultations.

How to Manage an Anarchist Dog

The situation is complicated, but a few solutions still exist.

Give Them Responsibilities

Appoint them supreme leader of their own movement.

After three days spent running meetings, managing conflicts and writing up minutes, they’ll discover governing is a lot less fun than protesting.

Turn the Revolution Into a Business

Create a brand around their image.

T-shirts.

Mugs.

Stickers.

Hoodies.

The moment they start collecting royalties, they’ll probably develop a sudden interest in private property.

Fight Back With Technology

Assemble a special unit made up entirely of robot vacuums.

Program them to patrol the flat.

Your dog will discover the unpleasant sensation of being chased by an automated bureaucracy.

Ignore Their Provocations

Revolutionaries feed on the attention they get.

Stop reacting.

When they launch into a forty-minute speech against kibble manufacturers, just reply:

“Sure.”

It’s often devastating.

Conclusion: The Revolution Always Ends Up Going Off the Rails

Their latest grand project was noble.

At least, according to them.

Convinced that every living being deserved freedom, your dog decided to liberate the goldfish from the aquarium.

The result was somewhat less glorious.

The lounge room turned into a public swimming pool, the modem gave up the ghost, and several neighbours mysteriously lost their internet connection.

These days your dog is doing community service.

Their job involves handing out coffees and assisting the local police.

Unfortunately, their revolutionary spirit remains fully intact.

You caught them again this morning, quietly slipping something into every cup.

Some ideologies really do die hard.

And if you love absurd portraits of politically uncontrollable dogs, deeply contradictory and convinced they’re saving the world despite catastrophic results, What to Do If My Dog Is Gay and the rest of the series should be right up your alley.