Your cat snubs the females and won’t stop banging on about their “mate Kyle”? Discover the unmistakable signs and how to support your gay cat with humour and kindness. You’ve had that little doubt, haven’t you? The cat who, instead of chasing mice, spends their days watching the big buff tom from down the road with an intense stare? Or the one who, instead of purring when you walk in, silently judges your outfit? Here are the unmistakable signs to confirm your whiskered companion’s sexual orientation.

The 5 signs your cat is gay

If your cat shows several of these behaviours, it’s time to lift the veil on their love life:

1. The “admiring” look: They purr a little too much while staring at the big buff tom across the way, as if mesmerised by his muscles.
2. The nocturnal social life: They love swapping gossip with their girlfriends (or boyfriends) over a glass of Malibu Sunrise, usually in the lounge at 11pm.
3. The fashion sense: They silently judge you when your jumper doesn’t match your trousers. Aesthetics come first.
4. The modern lingo: They drop “SLAY!” for absolutely everything. Clearly right up to date.
5. The “just flatmates” myth: All they talk about is their mate Kyle, insisting a bit too much that they’re “just flatmates”. (Yes, Kyle, we know).

How should you react if your cat is gay?

Step one: Breathe. It can feel like a taboo subject, but accepting your cat for who they are means loving them fully. Here are a few tips to support them through this discovery:

• Encourage them to be themselves: Whatever you do, don’t try to push them towards a lady cat. They’ve already got their eye on another male, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Love can’t be explained, only felt.
• Protect them from gossip: Some cats can be mean. Be there for them, like a caring parent.
• Avoid the clichés: Not every gay cat is obsessed with Drag Race or an interior design expert. Give them room to be themselves.
• Show them support: Speak to them gently, even if they don’t understand your words. They’ll understand your intention.
• Avoid awkward questions: Knowing who does what and how isn’t necessary. Privacy is sacred.

Conclusion: what matters most is love

Accepting your cat means, above all, accepting their happiness. It doesn’t matter who they lick or who they share their bed with, what matters is that they’re happy and safe. Their sexual orientation shouldn’t be a source of worry, but rather an excuse to treat them to a brighter new wardrobe (and maybe a little more Kyle). To find out more about the other facets of your cat’s life (the internet, work, identity crises, health), and for even funnier advice, order Is My Cat Gay? and its sequels today.