Your dog snubs the female dogs and won’t stop banging on about his ‘mate Gary’? Discover the tell-tale signs and how to support your gay dog with humour and kindness. You’ve had that nagging feeling, haven’t you? The dog who, instead of chasing a ball, spends his days staring intensely at the big muscly mutt down the road? Or the one who, instead of giving you a warm welcome home, silently judges your outfit? Here are the tell-tale signs to confirm your four-legged companion’s sexual orientation.

The 5 signs your dog is gay

If your dog ticks several of these boxes, it might be time to lift the lid on his love life: The “admiring” look: he wags his tail a little too enthusiastically while staring at the big muscly mutt across the road, as if mesmerised by his physique. A busy nightlife: he loves swapping gossip with his mates (male or female) over a Malibu Sunrise, usually in the lounge at 11pm. An eye for fashion: he silently judges you when your jumper doesn’t match your trousers. Aesthetics come first. Modern lingo: he drops a “SLAY!” for absolutely everything. He’s clearly bang up to date. The “just flatmates” myth: all he talks about is his mate Gary, while insisting a little too much that they’re “just flatmates”. (Yes, Gary, we know.)

How to react if your dog is gay

Step one: breathe. It might feel like a taboo subject, but accepting your dog for who he is means loving him fully. Here are a few tips to support him through this discovery: Encourage him to be himself: don’t try to push him towards a female. He’s already got his eye on another male, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Love can’t be explained, only felt. Protect him from gossip: some dogs can be cruel. Be there for him, like a supportive parent. Avoid the clichés: not every gay dog is obsessed with Drag Race or an expert in interior design. Give him room to be himself. Show your support: speak to him gently, even if he doesn’t understand the words. He’ll understand the intention. Avoid awkward questions: who does what and how isn’t something you need to know. Privacy is sacred.

Conclusion: love is what matters

Accepting your dog means, above all, accepting his happiness. It doesn’t matter who he licks or who he shares his bed with, what matters is that he’s happy and safe. His sexual orientation shouldn’t be a cause for concern, but rather an excuse to treat him to a brighter new wardrobe (and maybe a touch more Gary). To discover more about the other sides of your dog’s life (the internet, work, identity crises, health), and for even funnier advice, order What To Do If My Dog Is Gay? and its sequels now.