Your dog avoids certain guests, asks oddly insistent questions about where people are from, and seems to have very firm opinions about who deserves a cuddle? An uncomfortable question might be starting to surface: could your dog be… racist? Before you panic or cancel every dinner party, let’s look at the signs that might reveal a dog with frankly dubious views, and above all, the solutions to stop him becoming your lounge’s resident political pundit.

5 signs your dog has some deeply problematic opinions

All dogs are a bit odd. But some behaviours should set off alarm bells.

1. He keeps an eye on certain guests… a little too closely

Strangely, your dog completely ignores some visitors but suddenly turns into a hyperactive security guard around others. He tracks their every move, inspects their bags and stations himself in the hallway with a suspicious glare. Spoiler: nobody’s come to steal his kibble.

2. He immediately declares: “I’m not racist”

Nobody asked. And yet he insists on pointing out that “his vet is Black” or that he “loves world cuisine”. An odd need to justify himself for a dog who, in theory, should mostly be thinking about chasing a stick.

3. He asks far too insistent questions

Your dog loves a good chat… but only to ask: “Where are you really from?” Then, after a perfectly clear answer: “No but… really, though?” At this point, it might be time for a little chat with him.

4. He develops absurd theories about “his territory”

Your dog has recently become very concerned about his territory. The problem? He talks about “defending his patch” while he’s squatting a flat somebody else pays for and refuses to chip in a single penny towards rent.

5. He sorts his preferences by baffling criteria

One guest gets an instant party and a flurry of licks. Another gets a cold stare and a dramatic exit to the hallway. When your dog starts running a selective door policy, it might be time to step in.

How to re-educate a racist dog

Good news: dogs can be daft, but they’re rarely beyond saving.

Get him a different canine companion

A duo of dogs with opposite coats can sometimes help your dog rethink his absurd certainties. Black, white, ginger, brindle: in the end, they all fight over exactly the same blanket.

Remind him of his own origins

Before judging others, your dog might want to remember that he’s probably not a “pure local breed”. His ancestors crossed continents, conquered sofas and manipulated humans for centuries. A little humility wouldn’t hurt.

Diversify his circle

Invite friends from all walks of life. After a few sessions of chin scratches and treat handouts, your dog will quickly grasp a universal truth: Cuddles have no colour.

Swap his toys for inclusive cuddly toys

If he refuses a soft toy purely because of its colour, it’s time for some serious soul-searching. Or an appointment with a dog behaviourist.

Conclusion: a dog should judge by the right priorities

Letting a dog develop dubious opinions is a risk. Today, he avoids certain guests. Tomorrow, he might want to sort his kibble by colour or claim a sofa reserved for “his own kind”. Let’s remember one essential rule: a dog should only judge humans on the one criterion that truly matters, his skill at scratching behind the ear. And if you enjoy these kinds of absurd situations and utterly pointless yet oddly relevant canine advice, the world of What To Do If My Dog Is Gay? and its sequels should be right up your street.