Your cat now calls you “comrade,” believes your kibble should belong to everyone, and thinks owning two cushions already counts as an obscene concentration of wealth? It might be time to face reality: your cat is a communist.

Before they collectivize your couch or turn your apartment into a feline people’s republic, here are the signs that should tip you off.

At first, it seemed harmless.

Your cat generously shared their toys with the other neighborhood animals. A lovely display of selflessness, you thought.

Then they started questioning the idea of private property.

First your armchair.

Then your bed.

These days, they talk about seizing the kibble reserves in the name of the common good.

The problem is that the common good always seems to line up perfectly with their own personal interest.

5 Signs Your Cat Is a Communist

Every cat loves benefiting from someone else’s work. But some turn it into a full political doctrine.

1. They’re Trying to Grow a Revolutionary Mustache

For a few weeks now, your cat has been attempting to grow an iconic historical mustache.

Unfortunately, the result looks more like a poorly wiped-off food stain than an emblematic revolutionary figure.

That doesn’t stop them from proudly posing for official portraits.

2. They’ve Abolished the Concept of Property

Your bed?

Our bed.

Your couch?

Our couch.

Your kibble?

The people’s kibble.

That said, when another cat gets near their favorite spot by the radiator, the collectivization stops immediately.

3. They Redistribute Wealth... to Themselves

Your cat claims to be fighting inequality.

And yet, whenever they “reclaim” resources, those resources invariably end up in their own stomach.

The “people” benefiting from this redistribution always seems to be exactly one individual.

And that individual looks a whole lot like them.

4. They Started a Feline Union

Your living room has become the headquarters of the National Union of Underfed Cats.

The demands are simple:

• double food rations;
• more treats;
• heated cushions for all;
• the abolition of vet visits.

Negotiations are tense.

5. You’re Now Officially a Bourgeois

Ever since you got a small raise, your cat has been eyeing you with suspicion.

They use phrases like:

“domestic elite”

or

“owner of the means of kibble production.”

All you did was buy a new blanket.

How Should You React to a Communist Cat?

The situation is serious, but not hopeless.

Introduce Them to Entrepreneurship

Suggest they start a business.

A few weeks managing customers, inventory, and invoices might teach them a thing or two about the concepts they used to criticize so confidently.

Or they’ll immediately start exploiting the other cats.

Hard to say which.

Bureaucratize Their Litter Box

Declare it collective property.

From now on, every use requires:

• a request form;
• administrative approval;
• and a multi-day processing delay.

They’ll quickly discover the joys of centralized planning.

Offer Them a Revolutionary Immersion

Your cat loves slogans, posters, and big speeches.

Confront them with something a bit more concrete: tuna shortages, waiting in line for kibble, and rationed treats.

Their enthusiasm might drop a little.

Start Your Own Labor Movement

Temporarily stop feeding them.

Post flyers around the house explaining that human workers are protesting their working conditions.

For the first time, your cat might understand what a boss feels like during a strike.

Conclusion: Revolutionary or Just Extremely Online?

For a moment, you had your doubts.

After all, your cat spends their time criticizing billionaires, older generations, and anyone who disagrees with them.

Maybe they weren’t a communist after all.

Maybe they were just really active online.

Then you caught them lecturing the neighborhood pigeons, perched on a knocked-over trash can, radiating a revolutionary energy that was hard to ignore.

At that point, the diagnosis became obvious.

Your cat doesn’t just want more kibble.

They want to change the world.

Luckily for you, they sleep seventeen hours a day.

So the revolution can wait a little longer.

And if you love absurd portraits of politically engaged, wildly contradictory cats dangerously convinced they’re right, What to Do If My Cat Is a Democrat? and the rest of the series should be right up your alley.