Your cat avoids certain guests, asks strangely persistent questions about where people are "really from" and seems to have very firm opinions on who deserves a pat? An uncomfortable question might be starting to surface: could your cat be… racist? Before you panic or cancel every dinner party, let's look at the signs that might expose a cat with some frankly dodgy views, and more importantly, the solutions to stop them becoming your lounge room's resident political commentator.

5 Signs Your Cat Has Some Deeply Problematic Opinions

All cats are a bit odd. But some behaviours should set off alarm bells.

1. They Keep an Eye on Certain Guests a Little… Too Closely

Strangely, your cat completely ignores some visitors but suddenly turns into a hyperactive security guard around others. They track their every move, inspect their bags and stand guard in the hallway with a suspicious glare. Spoiler: nobody came to steal their kibble.

2. They Immediately Insist: "I'm Not Racist"

Nobody asked. And yet they're keen to point out that "their vet is Black" or that they "love world cuisine." A strange need to justify themselves for a cat who, in theory, should mostly be thinking about sleeping 17 hours a day.

3. They Ask Way Too Many Pushy Questions

Your cat loves a chat… but only to ask: "Where are you from?" Then, after a perfectly clear answer: "No but… where are you really from?" At this point, it might be time for a little chat.

4. They've Developed Absurd Theories About "Their Turf"

Lately, your cat seems very preoccupied with their territory. The problem? They talk about "defending their turf" while squatting in a flat someone else pays for, and refusing to chip in for rent.

5. Their Preferences Follow Some Baffling Criteria

One guest gets instant purrs and head bumps. Another gets an icy stare and a dramatic exit down the hallway. When your cat starts running a selective admissions policy, it might be time to step in.

How Do You Re-Educate a Racist Cat?

Good news: cats are sometimes silly, but rarely a lost cause.

Adopt a Different Feline Companion

A pair of cats with contrasting coats can sometimes help your cat reconsider their absurd certainties. Black, white, ginger, tabby: at the end of the day, they're all fighting over the exact same blanket.

Remind Them of Their Own Background

Before judging others, your cat might want to remember they're probably not a "true-blue native" cat. Their ancestors crossed continents, conquered couches and manipulated humans for centuries. A little humility wouldn't hurt.

Diversify Their Social Circle

Invite friends from all walks of life. After a few chin scratches and treat handouts, your cat will quickly grasp a universal truth: pats don't come in colours.

Swap Their Toys for Inclusive Mice

If they refuse a toy mouse purely because of its colour, it's time for some serious soul-searching. Or an appointment with a feline psychologist.

Conclusion: A Cat Should Judge People on the Right Priorities

Letting a cat develop dodgy opinions is a risk. Today they avoid certain guests. Tomorrow they might want to sort the kibble by colour or set up a couch reserved for "their own kind." Let's remember one essential rule: a cat should only judge humans by one criterion that really matters, namely their skill level at chin scratches. And if you enjoy these kinds of absurd situations and completely useless yet strangely relevant feline advice, the world of What To Do If My Cat Is Gay? and its sequels should be right up your alley.