Your dog avoids certain guests, asks weirdly persistent questions about where people are “really from”, and seems to have very firm opinions on who deserves a pat? An uncomfortable question might be starting to surface: is your dog… racist? Before you panic or cancel all your dinner parties, let’s look at the signs that might reveal a dog with some frankly dodgy opinions, and more importantly, the solutions to stop them becoming the lounge room’s resident political pundit.

5 Signs Your Dog Has Some Very Problematic Opinions

All dogs are a bit odd. But some behaviours should set off alarm bells.

1. They Keep an… Excessive Eye on Certain Guests

Strangely, your dog completely ignores some visitors but suddenly turns into a hyperactive security guard around others. They track their every move, inspect their bags, and stand guard in the hallway with a suspicious glare. Spoiler alert: nobody’s come to steal their kibble.

2. They Immediately Announce: “I’m Not Racist”

Nobody asked. And yet they insist on pointing out that “their vet is Aboriginal” or that they “love a good curry”. A strange need to justify themselves for a dog who, in theory, should mostly be thinking about chasing a stick.

3. They Ask Way Too Many Pushy Questions

Your dog loves a chat… but only to ask: “Where are you from?” Then, after a perfectly clear answer: “No but… where are you really from?” At this point, it might be time for a serious chat.

4. They’ve Developed Absurd Theories About “Their Turf”

Lately your dog seems very preoccupied with their territory. The problem? They talk about “defending their turf” while squatting in a house someone else pays for, and refusing to chip in for rent.

5. Their Preferences Follow Baffling Criteria

One guest gets an instant party and a face full of licks. Another gets a frosty stare and a dramatic exit to the hallway. When your dog starts running a selective admissions policy, it might be time to step in.

How to Re-educate a Racist Dog

Good news: dogs can be dim, but they’re rarely a lost cause.

Get a Different Canine Companion

A pair of dogs with opposite coats can sometimes help your dog rethink their absurd certainties. Black, white, ginger, brindle: in the end, they’re all fighting over exactly the same blanket.

Remind Them of Their Own Origins

Before judging others, your dog might want to remember they’re probably not a “purebred true blue”. Their ancestors crossed continents, conquered couches and manipulated humans for centuries. A bit of humility wouldn’t hurt.

Diversify Their Social Circle

Invite friends from all walks of life. After a few chin scratches and treat sessions, your dog will quickly grasp a universal truth: Pats don’t have a colour.

Swap Their Toys for Inclusive Plushies

If they reject a plush toy purely because of its colour, it’s time for some serious soul-searching. Or a booking with a dog behaviourist.

Conclusion: A Dog Should Judge on the Right Priorities

Letting a dog develop dodgy opinions is a real risk. Today they’re avoiding certain guests. Tomorrow they might want to sort the kibble by colour or set up a couch reserved for “their own kind”. Let’s remember one essential rule: a dog should only judge humans on one truly important criterion, their skill level at scratching behind the ears. And if you’re into this kind of absurd scenario and completely useless yet weirdly relevant dog advice, the world of What To Do If My Dog Is Gay? and the rest of the series should speak to you.