Your dog spends her days complaining, regularly threatens to speak to the manager, and treats the slightest inconvenience as a serious breach of her fundamental rights? You might be dealing with an advanced case of canine Karen syndrome. Before she starts a petition against birdsong or demands the postie be sacked, here are the signs that should worry you.

5 Signs Your Dog Is a Genuine Karen

All female dogs have their demands. But some turn every single day into a customer service complaint.

1. Her Appearance Has Changed in a Worrying Way

Since her last trip to the groomer, your dog sports a perfectly geometric haircut and looks permanently ready to lodge a complaint. Nobody dares say it out loud. But the whole street is thinking exactly the same thing.

2. She Films Every Single Conflict

The smallest disagreement becomes a media event. A staff member refuses her a discount? Phone out. A treat arrives thirty seconds late? Phone out. She usually captions her videos with something like: “Everyone needs to see this.” Nobody really understands why.

3. She’s Constantly Watching the Neighbourhood

Your dog knows:

• everyone’s comings and goings on the street,
• visitors’ number plates,
• the postie’s routine,
• and probably the pizza delivery driver’s middle name.

She spends more time spying on people than sleeping, which honestly goes against every canine instinct.

4. Young People Worry Her Far Too Much

According to her, every teenager is:

• badly behaved,
• glued to a screen,
• part of some mysterious organisation,
• or responsible for the decline of civilisation.

She has zero evidence. But that never stops her from having a very strong opinion.

5. She’s Become Famous Against Her Will

Recently, your dog barked at a group of kids quietly playing in the park. Someone filmed it. A few hours later, the video was everywhere. Your dog insists she’s the victim of an organised smear campaign. Which doesn’t exactly help her image.

How to Survive a Karen Dog

Don’t worry: there are still a few ways to preserve your sanity.

Appoint an Official Manager

Pick any cushion. Present it as the household’s supreme manager. The moment a complaint arises, redirect her to this new point of contact. The cushion will never reply, but it’ll handle conflict surprisingly well.

Channel Her Energy Online

Set her up with a social media account. There she can post:

• her daily outrage,
• her doomsday analysis,
• her theories on the youth of today,
• and her complaints about noisy birds.

The rest of the internet can take it from there.

Avoid Unnecessary Confrontations

Logic generally stops working at this point. If your dog is convinced a kid on a scooter is a national security threat, it’s best to change the subject. Or show her a video of puppies.

Distract Her With Something Else

Try redirecting her attention with:

• a chew bone,
• a patch of sunshine,
• a treat,
• or a bird to watch.

Even the most determined Karens remain susceptible to canine distractions.

Conclusion: Is the Neighbourhood Still Safe?

For months now, nobody nearby dares to just live normally. The neighbour mows his lawn? Suspicious. A family has a picnic? Very suspicious. A teenager owns a skateboard? Obviously extremely suspicious. As for the police, they now recognise her number instantly, and seem to have developed a technique of just letting it ring out until she gives up. Despite it all, don’t lose hope. Underneath the mountain of complaints, judgement, and threats to speak to the manager is still a dog like any other: affectionate in her own way, attached to her territory, and deeply convinced the world would run a lot better if everyone just did exactly what she says. And if you love absurd portraits of dogs with improbable personalities, What To Do If My Dog Is Gay? and the rest of the series deserve a spot on your bookshelf.