Your cat now refuses to be called a “pet” and demands the status of “self-employed feline worker”? They believe your flat should be collectivised and talk more about class struggle than kibble? It might be time to face reality: your cat is a leftie. Before they unionise the neighbourhood pigeons or organise a general strike against automatic feeders, let’s examine the most common symptoms of this feline radicalisation.

6 signs your cat has gone very left-wing

All cats like to challenge authority. But some turn it into an entire political project.

1. They’ve declared your lounge a “protected zone”

You simply wanted to set up a new vacuum cleaner. Your cat saw it as a direct attack on their way of life. A few hours later, the lounge was barricaded with:

• cardboard boxes,
• cushions,
• a threadbare blanket,
• and a sign reading:

“NO TO CARPET GENTRIFICATION.” Since then, every attempt to clean is described as repression.

2. They despise pedigree cats

Your cat can no longer stand Siamese, Persians or Bengals. According to them, they’re simply: “privileged cats out of touch with real life.” They now refuse to associate with the neighbour’s Maine Coon, whom they accuse of hoarding excessive furry capital.

3. They’ve replaced every household symbol

Your decor has mysteriously changed. The Union Jack has vanished. In its place are now several multicoloured banners representing causes even your cat sometimes struggles to explain. When you ask what they mean, they usually reply: “It’s more complicated than that.” And refuse to elaborate.

4. They love a good cause… except when it involves their own bowl

Your cat actively campaigns against:

• intensive farming,
• overconsumption,
• animal exploitation,
• and the excesses of productivism.

And yet they still insist on imported salmon and premium chicken. The moment you point out the contradiction, they immediately change the subject.

5. The BBC has become their religion

Every evening, your cat watches three-hour documentaries on:

• geopolitics,
• the climate crisis,
• global inequality,
• or the history of social movements in Europe.

Always with a glass of sulphite-free organic wine. They sigh a great deal.

6. Everything is always “the system’s” fault

Their bowl is empty? The system. It’s raining? The system. A fly gets away? The system. You moved their cushion? The system, again. At this point, even gravity seems to be a social construct out to get them.

How should you react if your cat is a leftie?

Fortunately, a few solutions exist.

Confront them with their contradictions

Your cat wants to ban intensive fishing but demands Norwegian salmon morning and night? Calmly ask the question. You probably won’t get a clear answer, but watching them squirm is satisfying enough.

Send them into hostile territory

An extended stay in a very wealthy area can produce interesting results. After a few weeks surrounded by jumpers knotted over shoulders and conversations about buy-to-let investments, they might start finding certain ideas “not so absurd after all”.

Turn their own methods against them

At the slightest verbal slip, draft an official statement detailing their daily micro-aggressions:

• discrimination against dogs,
• stigmatisation of vacuum cleaners,
• offensive remarks aimed at pigeons.

The activist will get a taste of their own medicine.

Distract them with more feline activities

Try:

• a foam ball,
• a laser pointer,
• a cardboard box,
• or a window overlooking some birds.

Even the most committed revolutionaries remain vulnerable to a good distraction.

Conclusion: an activist, above all, exhausted

The trouble with your cat is that they now protest absolutely everywhere. Yesterday, it was a climate march. Today, they’re backing another cause. Tomorrow, probably a third. By now, they don’t even check where they’re going. Last week, they ended up in the middle of a young Conservative rally without even realising it. They stood out slightly, what with the blue hair, the “ACAB” t-shirt and the “Lesbians Rule!” placard. But deep down, that sums the situation up rather well. Your cat is sincerely committed. Just not always terribly organised. And if you enjoy absurd portraits of politically engaged cats, riddled with contradictions and deeply convinced they’re right, Is My Cat a Leftie? and its sequels should soon find a home on your bedside table.