You’re after a gift for someone who loves cats. Not “quite likes”, mind: we’re talking about someone who calls their pet “my son”, wishes them a happy birthday on Instagram, and already owns more photos of a ball of fur than of their own family. In short: someone potentially beyond saving. Buying a gift for this sort of person is tricky. Get it wrong, and you risk falling into “Cat Mum” mug territory, or paw-print socks, which is basically the laziest corner of decorative capitalism. So you need to aim carefully: something funny, a bit absurd, and that genuinely speaks to the mild mental illness that is an excessive love of cats. Here are 5 gift ideas for cat fans genuinely worth considering.

1. A funny book about cats that doesn’t treat people like idiots

Let’s start with the obvious: if the person you’re buying for lives with a cat and has already started attributing political opinions, neuroses or a sexual orientation to it, it’s time to stop fighting the problem and lean into it. That’s exactly why Is My Cat Gay? exists: a survival guide for anyone who suspects their feline of being woke, racist, an insufferable Londoner, promiscuous or a K-pop fan. The idea is simple: take the absurd reflex every cat owner has (projecting absolutely anything onto their pet) and push it to breaking point. It’s a great gift for:

• the person who calls their cat “Bubba” with a completely straight face;
• the friend who’s already told you “I swear, he manipulates me” about a Siamese;
• or anyone who thinks living with a cat is basically cohabiting with a sociopath in a fur coat.

And crucially, it’s a nice change from the cutesy book about “the secrets of our feline companions”, which always ends up explaining that Tibbles likes boxes because she feels safe in them. Cheers for that.

2. A personalised portrait of their cat

Turning an obese, passive-aggressive cat into Napoleon, the Pope or a British admiral is still a reliable option. It’s pretentious, wildly over the top and usually pretty ugly. But ask yourself: what will your loved one actually do once the painting’s hanging up? Look at it. Every day. For twenty years. Whereas a book like Is My Cat Gay? gives them a genuinely detailed, truthful portrait of an animal who is probably anarchist, an insufferable Londoner or addicted to self-help. Honestly, between a poster gathering dust and a guide accusing a cat of being a communist, the choice makes itself.

3. A personality analysis for their cat

Some companies offer to decode your cat’s personality. They ask for their age, breed, habits, sometimes even their star sign, before informing you that your cat is “curious but independent”, “attached to their territory” or “emotionally complex”. In other words, you pay £35 for a stranger to tell you your cat… is a cat. At that price, you might as well get them Is My Cat Gay? At least it doesn’t pretend to be scientific: it will very seriously explain that your feline is probably Texan, vegan or a K-pop fan. And, paradoxically, it sometimes sounds more credible.

4. A cat-themed mug

A mug can work. As long as it’s sufficiently daft. Not a “Cat Mum”. Not a “Home Is Where My Cat Is”. That’s the garden-centre gift aisle on a Sunday afternoon. You need something that fully commits to the madness. For example: I work to pay for the kibble of an animal who hates me. Or you skip the washing-up step entirely and get them Is My Cat Gay?, which contains exactly the same level of despair, just spread across 180 pages.

5. A cat-themed board game

This can work, but only on one condition: it has to last under twenty minutes. Because after twenty minutes, everyone naturally prefers talking about their own cat instead. And that’s precisely where your gift becomes useful. After a couple of rounds, someone will inevitably say: “Mine does exactly that.” At which point you can whip out Is My Cat Gay? as though it were an actual veterinary manual. “Oh no, that’s clearly a Berlin cat.” Evening saved.

Conclusion

Ultimately, it doesn’t much matter what you choose. A portrait, a mug, a board game or an embroidered cushion will all end up in the same place: next to the cat, who will completely ignore them. But if you gift Is My Cat Gay?, there’s a good chance your loved one will immediately start comparing their feline to the 100 profiles in the book. For a few hours, they might even forget to show you the 437 photos of their pet taken that week. That’s probably the nicest gift you could give the people around them, too.