Your cat spends her days complaining, regularly threatens to speak to the manager and treats the slightest inconvenience as a serious breach of her fundamental rights? You may be dealing with an advanced case of feline Karen syndrome. Before she starts a petition against birdsong or demands the postman be sacked, here are the signs that should alert you.

5 signs your cat is a genuine Karen

Every cat has her demands. But some turn every day into a customer service complaint.

1. Her appearance has changed worryingly

Since her last trip to the groomer, your cat sports a perfectly geometric haircut and looks permanently ready to file a complaint. Nobody dares say it out loud. But the whole building is thinking exactly the same thing.

2. She films every single argument

The slightest disagreement becomes a media event. An employee refuses her a discount? Phone out. A treat arrives thirty seconds late? Phone out. She usually captions her videos with something like: “Everyone needs to see this.” Nobody really understands why.

3. She keeps constant watch over the neighbourhood

Your cat knows:

• the schedules of the entire street,
• the number plates of every visitor,
• the postman’s routine,
• and probably the pizza delivery driver’s first name.

She spends more time spying on others than sleeping, which is, frankly, unnatural for a cat.

4. Young people worry her far too much

According to her, every teenager is:

• badly behaved,
• addicted to screens,
• a member of some mysterious gang,
• or responsible for the decline of civilisation.

She has no proof whatsoever. But that never stops her having a very firm opinion.

5. She’s become famous against her will

Recently, your cat shouted at a group of children playing quietly in a park. Someone filmed it. A few hours later, the video was everywhere. Your cat insists she’s the victim of an organised smear campaign. Which doesn’t exactly help her image.

How do you survive a Karen cat?

Don’t worry: there are still a few ways to protect your sanity.

Appoint an official manager

Pick any old cushion. Present it as the household’s supreme authority. The moment a complaint arises, redirect it to this new contact. The cushion will never reply, but it will handle conflicts remarkably well.

Channel her energy online

Give her a social media account. There, she can post:

• her daily outrages,
• her doom-laden analyses,
• her theories on modern youth,
• and her complaints about birdsong.

The rest of the internet can take it from there.

Avoid pointless confrontation

Logic generally stops working at this stage. If your cat is convinced a child on a scooter is a national security threat, it’s best to change the subject. Or show her a video of kittens.

Distract her with something else

Try diverting her attention with:

• a cardboard box,
• a patch of sunlight,
• a treat,
• or a bird to watch.

Even the most determined Karens remain susceptible to feline distractions.

Conclusion: is the neighbourhood still safe?

For several months now, nobody dares live normally nearby. The neighbour mows his lawn? Suspicious. A family has a picnic? Very suspicious. A teenager owns a skateboard? Clearly extremely suspicious. As for the police, they now recognise her number instantly and seem to have developed a technique of letting it ring out until she gives up. Still, don’t lose hope. Under this mountain of complaints, judgements and threats to speak to the manager still lives an ordinary cat: affectionate in her own way, attached to her territory, and deeply convinced the world would run far more smoothly if everyone simply did exactly as she said. And if you enjoy absurd portraits of cats with impossible personalities, Is My Cat Gay? and its sequels deserve pride of place on your bookshelf.